The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Kids and Aging Parents at the Same Time
The sandwich generation: coping with the stress of caring for children and aging parents at once, the guilt and burnout, and how to set boundaries and get support. Alaska.
You are raising your own children and caring for your aging parents at the same time, and there is nothing left over for you. If you are the one holding everyone up while quietly running on empty, this is for you. That exhaustion is real, the guilt is common, and caring for yourself is not selfish. It is necessary.
Squeezed from both sides
The sandwich generation carries a rare double load, the ongoing demands of parenting alongside the growing needs of aging parents, often while working. The result is a crushing time poverty, where every hour is spoken for and none of it is yours. Add the emotional weight of watching your parents decline, and it is no wonder so many caregivers hit burnout.
The feelings you are not supposed to say
- Resentment toward the situation, or toward siblings who do not help.
- Guilt no matter what you do, since someone always needs more than you can give.
- Grief for your parents, and for the freedom and identity you have lost.
- Strain on your marriage and your own kids, who get the leftovers of your attention.
These feelings do not make you a bad daughter, son, parent, or partner. They make you a human being carrying too much.
Protecting yourself so you can keep going
You cannot sustain this on fumes. That means setting boundaries, including with siblings who leave the load to you, asking for and accepting help, and protecting even small pockets of time for yourself. It also means treating your own well being as part of the caregiving, not a betrayal of it. Our writing on caregiver guilt and setting boundaries with family speaks directly to this. If you are grieving your parents even while they are still here, anticipatory grief may name what you are feeling.
Frequently asked questions
What is the sandwich generation?
It refers to people caring for their own children and their aging parents at the same time, often while working. The double load creates severe time pressure, emotional strain, and a high risk of caregiver burnout.
Is it normal to feel resentment as a caregiver?
Yes. Resentment toward the situation or toward siblings who do not help, along with guilt and grief, is common and does not make you a bad person. These feelings signal that you are carrying too much and need support.
How do I take care of myself while caring for everyone else?
Set boundaries, including with siblings, ask for and accept help, protect small pockets of time for yourself, and treat your own well being as part of caregiving rather than a betrayal of it. Support and counseling help you sustain the load.
If you are not safe right now, call or text 988 in the U.S. or dial 911. Outside the U.S., call your local emergency number. This article is general education, not a substitute for care tailored to you.
About the author
SoundHeart Counseling is a relationship practice in Alaska’s Mat-Su Valley and the home of NeuroRelational Belonging Theory™. We offer licensed counseling in Alaska and Ohio, and coaching, retreats, and training for people everywhere. Our articles are general education written from the same practice-first approach. About SoundHeart
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A next step
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